When I met Massimo, I knew he was worthless.
That sooner or later he'd dump me.
I was a real disappointment for everyone.
I didn't care about my husband or my daughter.
Or anyone else.
Viola would be so happy with all these books.
You two would get on.
Aren't you going to tell me anything?
There's not much to tell.
The other day, when you asked me how I became a writer,
the truth is that I don't know.
I don't have many ideas, I don't read a lot,
I had a normal childhood, don't drink or smoke,
and I'm scared of illness.
I don't know how I became a writer.
I have to go. Will you drive me back?
I've just finished reading your notes.
I like the story about the swimming teacher.
- Giulia. - Yes, and her daughter.
It's different from the others. I'd like to know more about her.
About Giulia?
No, about her daughter.
There's something I need to ask you.
I'm helping Dominici. Franzo's book's coming out now.
Yes.
During your interview,
if they ask you which writers you like,
could you mention him?
As a favor for me. It might help us get the prize.
I can't stand Franzo as a person or as a writer.
Really?
Sorry, I didn't know.
It was a small favor for me.
I'll wait to hear from you, then.
"Men in the Shadows"
Where were you earlier?
I couldn't come.
I called you, but you didn't answer.
So why have you come now?
To ask you if you'd like to go to the sea.
To the sea? Why not?
I'll call the judge and say,
"I'm going to the sea.
It's such a nice day. Why don't you come, too?"
What were you thinking?
I can't just decide to go to the sea.
Don't you get it?
Do you like taking the piss out of me?
Leave me alone.
Have you finished?
I know you have to get permission.
This is for you.
You need to clap to make it sing.
And to make it stop...
See?
It's too cold!
You're freezing. Hold on.
You're a wimp. You're scared of everything.
You're even scared of me.
- I'm not scared of you. - You are.
Sometimes I scare myself. I don't know what the fuck happens.
I like the way you speak. You've got a great vocabulary.
- Fuck, fuck... - Fuck off.
"Fuck off..." That's nice.
She'll be 16 in a few days.
She's Gemini. She's stubborn like me.
Even more than me.
She hasn't celebrated her birthday with her mom for years.
Sometimes at night, I dream that we're together.
It's a beautiful day, and we're all on holiday.
There's a carefree atmosphere, we laugh.
We hug each other.
I can smell her scent.
The scent she had as a baby.
I like that scent. It makes me happy.
It's all so real, then when I wake up...
Don't look at me like that.
Why don't you try seeing her?
You don't understand.
I've tried writing to her, but I don't know what to say.
Just try to explain what happened.
It wasn't an accident. It wasn't self-defense.
He told me he was leaving me, so I killed him.
Forget it, I shouldn't have told you.
You can't understand.
I'll never see her again. I have to accept that. End of story.
You're right, I can't understand. I'm not capable.
I'm not a strong swimmer. I never will be.
But I told you, I can float.
I don't sink.
I hold onto whatever I can, just like anyone would.
Hold onto me.
You won't make me sink. Not even you can do that.
I'm not scared of you.
I'm scared of you.
Are you here?
Yes. I'm here.
No, leave it.
- What do the words say? - What?
The song.
I don't speak French.
You're a writer and you don't speak French?
Every year I'm allowed 45 days' leave.
Does that mean you don't have to go back?
I have certain times to stick to.
I have to tell them where I am.
So we could do something together?
Yes.
That's not why I said it. I was just saying...
Benedetta.
When?
Are you okay?
Hi.
What did they steal?
Costanza's computer and some jewelry.
Did you report it?
Yes. The police have already been...
Could you stay here tonight?
I don't feel safe. Just for tonight, sorry.
All right.
You know what I think when I read your books?
That I'm never in them.
There's never a character like me.
That's not true.
I don't inspire you at all.
- Why? - That's not true.
Am I too ordinary? Too predictable?
Too normal?
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
Don't you like the way I fuck?
Benedetta, please.
- Please. - Don't you like the way I fuck?
Tell me what you like.
- You've never told me. - Don't.
- Tell me what you like. - Benedetta.
Sorry to interrupt,
but I don't understand what it's about.
When he hears a train whistling, he thinks of a lost love.
He's Ionely and sad because his love is far away,
and she's not coming back.
He keeps hearing the sound of this train,
because he did nothing to stop her leaving.
- And he'll hear it... - For the rest of his life.
It serves him right. He didn't stop her leaving.
I get it. Shall we hear the end?
Excuse me for interrupting, Filippo.
Is that fair?
Sometimes maybe people don't have the courage to...
...don't be so harsh.
He's Ionely.
He didn't even try to stop her.
He wasn't man enough to stop her leaving.
Sometimes that can happen.
Okay, let's continue.
It's finished.
- It's sad. - It's nice.
How many did you do?
25. I think.
You think?
You're not lying, are you?
24, I swear.
I can't trust you.
I'll do 50, then I'll take you back.
Okay. If you do 50.
Here I go.
Why haven't I seen Filippo lately?
We've split up.
I'm sorry.
Maybe we just need time to think.
We all need to experience different things in life.
Like you and mom.
What do you mean?
Did mom say something to you?
No, I said it just to say something.
Come on, let's go.
What's up?
Nothing.
Here he is.
Hi. How are you?
- Good morning, sir. - Hi.
- Can I get you anything? - No, thanks. I just had a coffee.
Listen, we've got a problem. Costanza's very unhappy.
She was the one who left me.
That can cause unhappiness, too, okay?
- She's very saddened. - Sorry.
Very sorry.
Even if your relationship has run its course,
she still misses you.
She's very fond of you.
- Why did you want to see me? - I wanted to see Bart.
Bart's mine.
If you cared about him, you'd have stayed with me.
Calm down, Filippo.
It'd be nice if you'd let her see the dog every now and then.
- Once a week. - Yes.
You're a bitch.
Excuse me, sir.
Don't mention it.
Is Thursday okay? I have tennis.
Thursday's fine.
Tomorrow's Thursday.
- Bye. - Bye, thanks.
Love! I don't even want to hear the word!
- What is it? - Nothing. You look nice.
Thanks. You really want me to come?
- Don't you want to? - Sure.
- Who's reading Franzo? - Costanza bought it.
- Isn't she a bit young for it? - I don't know.
I started writing after reading "Carrie" by Stephen King.
There was something in that book I related to.
I understood it, unlike novels by contemporary Italian writers.
Except for those present, of course.
I have a question for Montani.
Oriani has a question.
Which of your colleagues do you like most?
I think Aprea's first two books were very good.
I also like Melzi's book a lot.
Then there's... Franzo.
His latest novel surprised me.
I'm a bit jealous. He's my daughter's favorite author.
So we've reached the end of this encounter
where we met the finalists for the Malaspina prize,
now in its 46th edition.
Considering the diversity of the work,
it'll be interesting to see who'll win.
I wish you all the best. Thank you and good-bye.
I didn't think you'd come.
- What is it? - It's my daughter's.
She said she received a letter which I didn't write.
Know anything about it?
What did she say?
That she'll see me.
In half an hour. What shall I do?
The social worker says I must go, but I don't even know what you wrote.
- How dare you do that! - Calm down.
Is that your wife?
- Is that her? - Yes.
What's she fucking laughing about?
What the fuck's so funny?
I have to go. You have to stay here.
Guido, don't forget your interview later.
They're giving you a whole page.
It wasn't easy. They're doing me a favor.
Don't worry. I'll be right back.
What else did you write?
That you're not the woman who abandoned her and hurt her.
That you want to be friends with her.
And maybe go out for a pizza together or an ice cream.
And?
And that you want her to forgive you.
That you'd like her to be happy.
Good morning. What'll you have?
Good morning. An orange soda.
She didn't want to come.
But I persuaded her.
After all, you're her mom, right?
She wanted me to come with her.
But when she arrives, I'll go. It's for the best.
Maybe.
How are you? You have a day leave?
They let me work in a pool during the day.
Yes, I know.
Are you seeing anyone?
I don't know.
There is someone, but...
I'm not sure about him.
In fact...
How are you? You look well.
I'm going.
I'll be outside.
You've got short hair.
You look well. You've grown up.
Did you want to tell me something?
I got something for you.
Maybe it's not your kind of thing.
You don't like it, do you?
I knew it.
I know it's difficult for you to forgive me.
I just wanted to see you.
You're beautiful.
I have a photo at home of when I was young.
We're the same.
But only in the photo, thank goodness.
I know that...
...it's too late, there's no point, but I understand how you feel.
No, listen. I only agreed to see you because dad insisted.
He's never stopped thinking of you.
Obviously, what you did to him wasn't enough.
Leave him alone.
Stay away from him, from us.
Don't ask to see us again.
You've not existed for me since the day you left.
Don't worry about me, I've never missed you.
When I was a kid, I was scared you'd come back at night.
I couldn't get to sleep.
The killer slut... That's what they called you.
Do you understand?
You have no idea what we've been through.
Wait.
Attilia, sorry.
The journalist's gone. Well done.
Hello?
Where are you?
I'm calling from the jail.
Are you okay?
Yes, it went okay. I'll explain later.
Where are you?
I'm with Benedetta and Costanza.
We're watching a film. I'll go home soon.
You're all there, watching a film?
Yes.
Well...
Good night, then.
Will I see you tomorrow?
Yes.
I just wanted to say hi.
Wait.
You're packing up everything.
Going back to mommy, home sweet home?
I came to the pool today. And I tried to call you.
Yes, I know.
The battery's dead.
I took a day off work to sort some papers out.
Can I have a drink?
- How did it go? - How did what go?
With your daughter.
Fine, fine.
I was surprised.
We stayed together for a while.
I thought that one evening the three of us could meet up.
What do you think?
Giulia, are you okay?
I'm fine. Why?
Sorry, I helped myself.
The police came to the pool. Why didn't you go back?
Come on.
You have a drink, too.
Oh, of course, you don't drink.
I don't want to go back tonight. Please.
I promise I'll go back tomorrow.
But tonight I can't. Let me stay here with you.
My daughter doesn't want me.
And neither do you.
Don't make me go.
Just for tonight.
Don't make me go.
I'm tired.
Take me away.
I will.
Really?
Where do you want to go?
- Where? - Yes, where?
Where?
Where are you going? Stop!
Stop!
Calm down.
My name's Guido Montani.
I requested a visit with a detainee.
Di Nardo.
Giulia.
Yes, I've called before.
I know she said no, but I thought...
I see.
Thanks.
From my chest to your stomach.
Okay, that's it.
Extend your body. From my chest to your stomach.
Okay, that's it. Extend your body.
Who'd have thought that'd happen?
Well, I hadn't seen her around for some time.
She was so pretty.
Though sometimes she was a bit moody.
A bit odd.
What happened?
She used a plastic bag. How awful!
Who?
The swimming teacher from the jail.
What a terrible way to go.
She was a nice girl, but she was very serious.
She was attentive.
She was very nice. Really kind sometimes.
Not long ago, she asked to be put in a room by herself.
We put her in here, like we do with all the others.
Wait here a minute.
We didn't know who to give it to. She had no one. I thought of you.
Guido once told me that writing is a way of being close to people.
So I followed his advice.
I followed her to the movies today. She was with a friend.
The film was good, but I didn't really watch it.
She was laughing.
I've never seen her laugh like that.
Before I went to sleep, I cried with joy.
I didn't ruin her life after all.
Not completely.
In all these years, I've watched her from afar.
If she looked down, or if she lost weight,
like she wasn't eating enough,
I spent the day worrying about her.
She was dressed a bit too lightly today.
Her T-shirt didn't even cover her tummy.
Her horoscope says she must be wary of new romances.
They'll end in heartbreak.
But what right do I have to advise her?
And about love...
I've learned that she's sad when it rains,
that she loves her friends.
She's not like me, she's stronger.
She doesn't let anyone step on her.
Who does she take after?
I'm not used to being accompanied.
I can't ask him in for a few moments.
But he's kind, he makes me feel good.
The social worker read my diary.
She said I have to be careful.
The judge may limit my time outside if I carry on like this.
But I could tell she was happy.
He's not handsome, but he's sweet.
He could be attractive.
He has a wife and a daughter younger than Viola.
He's a writer. That's why he has free time.
Today, for the first time, he swam 25 lengths.
He was exhausted, out of breath.
He stopped, took his goggles off and smiled at me.
That's when I realized I liked him.
Today I saw her on a bench in a park
where I go during my lunch break.
I looked at her for ages.
She didn't look up from her book for 20 minutes.
I wonder what book it was.
We're different in this, too.
I'd like her to meet Guido.
I don't want my daughter to read this diary.
I don't want to fill her with regret.
I don't want her to forgive me.
I haven't forgiven myself.
I'd rather she imagined she never had a mother.
After all, that's the truth.
I asked to change cells.
I want to be alone.
Today's a black day.
There's nothing ahead.
I can't see anyone.
I can't feel anything.
I don't want to write anymore.
Yesterday I imagined my life with him.
I wish I hadn't.
The judge decided I could continue my part-time detention.
I don't want to go outside.
I refused it.
I don't want to feel bad or hurt others.
I don't deserve anything.
What's up?
I'm not coming.
Okay.
Costanza?
She's coming with me.
You look more relaxed tonight.
Yes, I am.
Good, there's nothing to worry about.
Things couldn't be better. Right, my dear?
Yes. No one deserves that prize more than you.
We'll celebrate together. See you later.
- See you. - Well done!
Well done!
Who were they?
Why? Did you see them, too?
Honey, what are you doing?
Nothing, I'm eating.
Did you win?
No. I didn't win.
Here, have this. It's good.
- Cream-filled? - Yes.